The past few weeks have been a blur after the Chinese New Year holidays.
During Chinese New Year, we went back to Penang like every other year. This year's new year was somewhat different in both good and bad ways however. One new year's eve, my dad and I had to drive back to KL after the reunion dinner to get my sister's power bank that was left charging in her room. We were afraid that it would overheat and catch fire so we had to make the round trip. When we went back up the next day, we were caught in a massive traffic jam in Perak. This year, my mom's youngest brother and his wife didn't attend the reunion dinner and they came and left quickly because of a little pointless feud, also, this year was the first time my parents argued at my uncle's house on the first day of CNY; It was so awkward. Joyous however, I got to meet up with some of my long lost cousins, nephews and nieces from my dad's side of the family. This year is also the first time I got to drink beer during CNY. After CNY, my niece, Elspeth starts to talk to me occasionally, mostly regarding jobs and studies. We're the same age so I guess she's trying to relate to me since we haven't seen each other in many years. However I don't seem to share her point of view so I try not to engage in too serious discussions about my philosophies in life with her.
So after CNY, I seemed to have bonded somewhat more with the staff back at Hamley's who I haven't been working much with, mostly with Denise, Kenneth and Shing. One day Melvin asked me to help out with the setting up for the new retail outlet in Quill City Mall. I was supposed to go there for a week but after the first day, I ended up getting stuck at the 1Utama outlet because Melvin couldn't fetch me or the timing was off. One thing lead to another and now I'm back working as a part-timer at 1Utama. Most of my favorite staff members have resigned already because their college classes has started already however. Now there's Denise, Debbie, Soo Gee, Khay Vin and KeShan left but I'm not that close to Soo Gee, Khay Vin and KeShan. Of course there's still Gerald who doesn't seem to be going anywhere soon. There's a group of new staff members and they all think I'm scary however, I'm not sure why. One of them, Ben, admits that he's afraid of my (apparently) huge forearms. Hannah and Ryan however didn't disclose any information and dodged my question, they however didn't deny that they were afraid of me for a while.
So in those weeks when I haven't been doing anything after CNY and before returning to Hamley's, I've been going to Camp5 to do rock climbing, mostly bouldering. I tried to go as often as possible because I paid for a three month membership. I still prefer to go when there's not a lot of people because I'm still new to rock climbing and everyone else I see are experienced, even the people who are younger than me. At night however, it's full of professionals and that makes me feel very uncomfortable because it's crammed and I feel oppressed by their professionalism. I recently bought a new pair of rock climbing shoes so I gotta make the most out of it.
My plans of the future has changed after CNY when we were talking about careers and study paths. Instead of going for an animation degree now, I'm looking at changing courses and going to nursing school. I've always had an interest in nursing but I didn't take it seriously. Now that the animation industry in Malaysia is stagnant and crap, I've decided to change directions. However there's a post-production company my cousin recommended that sense it's new employees to Japan for training that interests me a lot (because Japan!) so I might apply there for some experience (actually, Japan!). I can't decide yet so I'm taking it easy now since I'm working at Hamely's again but honestly I'm like that just because Hamley's is my safe place that I'm comfortable at.
The renovations in my house started some time before CNY and right now they're working on our dry kitchen now so we don't have a kitchen whatsoever. It's really dusty everyday and not having a basin to do the dishes is so difficult to deal with. We have to wash our dishes outside at the pipe in front of the house and our stove is located in our porch. I feel so lazy and unmotivated to do any cooking or washing because of this tedious situation.
Ever since the Spectrum Dash run, I haven't been meeting any of my friends from work besides Ryan who I see at the store often. Lydia and I haven't been talking since our little dispute. I don't talk to Calvin on social media so yeah. I really miss them especially Lydia but for some reason I'm afraid of seeing her or talking to her so I haven't been texting her. The last time I did was asking her if she wants to catch Kingsman with me after CNY but she had already watched it. After that I simply didn't communicate with her whatsoever. Even when she sent messages in our group chats, I don't reply. Only when she asked for some documents for our upcoming runs I sent her an email or just yesterday she commented on my Facebook status about walking into things did I contact her. This whole episode has left me feeling so lonely and somewhat lost. Returning to the store made me recall a lot of memories of the times I spent with her in the store, it might not mean much but it just makes me have the feels. This absence makes me realise how much of an impact Lydia has left on me and how much she means to me. This is actually building up my courage to confess to her again but at the same time I'm afraid. I'm sure we will meet again in our next run, hopefully I won't burst into tears when I see her because that's how I feel I would do if I see her right now. So until then, I'll continue longing for her presence with me.
