Pentimento

Thunderstorms in the distance,
Before it was, there was substance.
The fleeting feeling has subsided,
Now it's dark, I feel so tired.

Back to Earth composed and still,
Jokes and laughter, emotions I feel.
Saw you two at the elevator,
What's so special, can't help but wonder.

In the car holding back the cloud,
Songs on playlist, volume up loud.
Sitting there motionless for a while,
I feel so tired, it's been awhile.

The lights are red before I got there,
Thoughts were running, blankly I stare.
Where were you going with that guy,
Shouldn't have seen that, want to cry.

It's not you, it's me,
I'm jumping to conclusions too quickly.
I have to find the fragments of the mask I carry,
Reassemble it so you don't have to worry about me,
Because I know how much you care about me,
I know how much you can see right through me,
My fake smiles and walls, what's real you could see,
Bit by bit you're pulling out the real me,
But I also know how much you don't see me,
I don't understand why you are doing this to me.

I feel like you have me in the palm of your hand, experimenting on me to see my reactions and my true colors so that you know what's on my mind.