Midlife Crisis?

It's been a few months already and it's gotten from okay to really bad. Since April I've been thinking about what I should do in the future, what I want to do and many other questions. Am I really doing what I want to do now? Someone I know in college asked me a couple of weeks ago over lunch a question I have never asked myself before, "Are you happy?". The question was directed to whether I feel happy about my current situation and to my horror, I am not.

As my friends come close to their graduation ceremony, a few of them have started to put their plans into action. Some of them are preparing to go overseas to further their studies and some of them have already started working. Knowing myself pretty well, I am certainly not ready to jump into the working environment. So I have decided to further my studies as well, but the big question comes into mind, am I really doing what I want to do? Sure I want to stay in the art industry but is this department of art what I want to be in? From the question of whether I am happy, I looked towards to what I want to achieve in the future, I guess I went too far and asked myself, "What do I want to do before I die?" and "to travel the whole of Japan and soak myself in their culture, indulge in everything the country has to offer and enjoy my time there" was the answer. How do I put this dream into action? I decided maybe I could further my studies in Japan. But this was to be put on hold as I encounter another problem from those questions I ask myself.

I discover that I am truly unhappy because I don't want to spend my time in front of my computer. It sounds very contradicting as I am in fact typing this very post in front of my computer. What I really mean is that I don't want to spend most of my week in front of my computer. It's been four years in The One Academy and being in a digital animation major, I have spent 3 years in front of a computer making animation and stuff like that. As of now, I'm working in a group on a short film as our graduation project. Everyday, I ask myself, is this what I want to do? Do I want to spend my days doing work in front of a computer? No. I want to go out and experience the outdoors. I want to go out and spend time with my friends. As long as I don't have to spend 7 days a week in front of a computer. Why don't I go out? Go out? I can't go out. My parents don't let me drive and I'm always locked behind the automatic gate because there isn't a spare key. Almost every day I would open the front door, and look out beyond the gates of my house and wish I could go out and enjoy myself. The weather is bloody hot as well so I always think of going swimming.

When I told Kai about my problem, he says I am going through midlife crisis. Is this midlife crisis? Wikipedia says midlife crisis happens of people in their thirties and forties. I should be having quarterlife crisis but I'm not, the symptoms I have are of someone having midlife crisis. It's ridiculous. Why do I feel old? I'm only in my twenties but I feel that life has become too short, too little time left to live life to it's fullest.

Some weird phase I'm going through. Hopefully I can get this over with. It's bothering my project progress a lot. My mood keeps swinging and I can't concentrate, my short attention span adds on to that factor. Hopefully I can plan an outing with my friends to a short holiday. I need some time out from home. I just really need to get out of my house, I feel depressed just staying at home.