Lost in the Erratic Showers of Colorful Lights and Darkness

It's been a year since I last received my diploma in animation but I haven't got myself a proper job yet. I spent the remaining of last year working from a part timer to a full timer in Hamley's and learned a lot of skills in franchising and selling but that hasn't really given me any proper allowance because the pay does not suffice to give real meaning to "making money".

I had the drive to go start studying all over again in a new field, that being nursing but now that I've gotten a larger picture, that flame had died out and now I'm lost in the dim lighted world again. I have a few things I want to do that could make me a living but those ideals do not show light in this country. I'd very much like to be involved in health science but not as a doctor or nurse. I figured that I'd rather do jobs along the lines of a caretaker or therapist, those kind of people who take care of others but are not nurses, instead work at old folks homes, retirement homes or homes for the disabled. I still want to learn sign language and braille and maybe help children who are mute, deaf or blind. I want to do volunteer work to help the needy, assist shelters or charities organised by religious groups. I want to do those kind of things but my family members keep calling them a waste of time and that I should pursue studying again if I really don't want to stay in the animation industry.

For the past three months from the straight road to nursing, I had been shown more paths to take and being indecisive, I can't decide on what I want to do. People would ask me, "What do you want to do for your future?" or "Where do you see yourself ten years time?" and I would be completely helpless and clueless without answer because I really, exactly, have no idea what I want to do. Listening to countless motivational talks from many people only gave me momentary effects and then I would be clueless again, not having a single idea which path I should take, where I should go or most importantly, what I want to do.

Every day passes by in the blink of an eye and here I am, still lost, only guided by a single faint light of motivation named Lydia. But I cannot rely on her as my motive in life because she has her own goals and so should I. I always want to make the most out of life by going places and constantly learning things without being tied to a single location but the hard grounded ideals of the modern society doesn't make that life seem realistic or possible.

Hopefully I can find my answers soon because despite hating the fact, time is in fact passing by quickly.