I just finished watching the JDrama, 1 Litre of Tears, a drama based on the novel of the same title. The story itself is a true story about Kitō Aya who suffered from spinocerebellar degeneration. An incurable disease that cruelly takes the daily life of an individual slowly. Aya suffered the disease from the age of 15 until her death at the age of 25. It's really touching. Everybody said that it's impossible to not cry when watching the drama and I support that statement. In all eleven episodes, I have at the least teared and the most cried for almost fifteen minutes straight. Watching a drama about a girl who's suffering an incurable disease struggling to cope, adapt and survive it was sad enough, what made it even more was that it is a true story about a real girl.
"Why did the disease choose me?
I cannot carry it, if it's just for the word 'fate'."
-Kitō Aya
After watching the whole drama, I have changed my view about life and the world. I don't want to see it as boring anymore. I want to go out even more. I want to learn more things. Go out and experience more things. Live life to it's fullest. I will do that. And I want to do it with my friends.
"Friends are cool. I want to be with them forever."
-Kitō Aya
Some of my feelings have been amplified,
feelings like, 'I'd rather be a happy man with no money, than a rich man with no happiness.',
feelings like, 'I'd rather be healthy than to be smart.',
feelings like, 'I'm happy that I'm still alive.'.
I now feel that I want to live on no mater what but it also makes me feel selfish, but it's a good feeling. Someone said that.
"I don't care if I'm stupid, I just want a healthy body."
"Just being alive is such a lovely and wonderful thing."
- Kitō Aya
When I woke up this morning, I teared because as long as I'm awake, I will remember the tearful moments from the drama. The story of Aya is such a strong and influential medium. I want to treasure all the moments I have with my friends and family. Like someone had said, 'You never know when you will die, it could be tomorrow, it could be next week. Treasure what you have now.'.
"I will live 'alone' carrying this heavy package called handicap."
-Kitō Aya
Some people may think I'm just being emotional but I understand how it feels like when you're in a handicapped situation. There are things you can't do, things you can't achieve. I was born different from normal children because of the deformity in my sternum. There was a time when I could not eat or drink anything cold because of this. Still, I lived a normal life. I guess I'm really lucky.
"Reality is too cruel, too brutal.
I don't even have the right to dream.
As I think about the future, the tears will come out again."
-Kitō Aya
I followed my dad around Shah Alam this morning and I was feeling under the weather, walking very slowly, carrying a depressed face.
I came to a thought and I felt really happy that I am still walking.
I might be thinking too much but I like it, I cannot imagine myself unable to walk, run or play sports, if I really can't do any of that, I would mentally break.
I cannot be as strong as Aya and smile everyday, encouraging herself that it's okay.
"It's okay if you fall.
You can just get up again.
Why don't you look up at the sky, while you are down there.
The blue sky spreads across above you.
Can you see it smiling at you?
You are alive."
- Kitō Aya
Watching 1 Litre of Tears really made me appreciate life more.
It had really gave me a lot of inspiration and courage.
I won't ever wish that I was in the past again.
I will continue to fight on and live my life to it's fullest.
"I really don't want to say things such as 'I want to
go back as how things were before'.
I recognize how I am right now,
and I will continue to live on.
Therefore I definitely won't run away.
That's what I'll do. Definitely, always."
-Kitō Aya
I have been thinking and I came to a conclusion that I want to help the disabled more than ever but I'm not doctor material nor I'm in medical school. What I can do for the future with what I'm learning is to promote awareness in everyone else through art.
Today my sister was saying that she wants to quit scouts next year. It got me even more angry when she said that the only thing that makes her want to quit was that she had to take tests and memorize things. What's so hard about memorizing things? I know I don't have a good memory myself but why can't she do her best? I scolded her about not doing things right and that she will regret for the rest of her life but am I in the right place to tell her that? I, myself have not lived my life to the fullest. I can't go out when I want to because of transportation issues. Still, my sister's attitude for giving up cannot be overlooked. I want her to watch 1 Litre of Tears but what's the point? She won't be paying attention to the show anyway. She's such an idiot.
"People shouldn't dwell on the past.
It's enough to try your best in all that you're doing now."
-Kitō Aya
I'm starting to dislike the word 'goodbye'. Why say 'goodbye' when you know that you'll be seeing the person you're parting with again? Even if you won't be seeing this someone for a long time, saying 'see you' is a lot better because I feel that it gives the feeling that you will meet again. 'Goodbye' is like a eternal farewell. I don't like it.
I'm proceeding to read the translations for the original novel, 1 Litre of Tears some nice people shared on the internet. The novel contains the contents of the diary Kitō Aya wrote.
"I write because writing is evidence that I am still alive."
-Kitō Aya
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